WE'VE ALL HAD ROMANCES FLAME OUT. Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes we're indifferent. And sometimes, it's actually pretty funny.

This was definitely the case with my latest girlfriend-person. Lita and I had been dating for a little more than three months when things started to go bad -- mainly over her desire to spend more "quality time" together versus my desire to have other things in my life besides a job and a girlfriend-person. This was all manifest in my refusal to stop road-tripping.

ROCKFORD, Ill. — The bird.

It got to where we were clearly about to go our separate ways. I had actually tried to end things once, but she didn't accept the breakup. I didn't even know that was possible, but apparently her will and my lack of backbone proved that indeed a breakup sometimes must be mutually agreed to. My friend Dave from Rockford suggested we were like nuclear missile commanders, both of whom have to turn our keys to unleash the warhead. She wouldn't turn her key!

Ultimately, I became indifferent, because I had done my due diligence with the politeness and so on. So, I started to do what guys are often found guilty of, which is to say I began blowing her off. About a week later, after I could jockey and delay no longer, we agreed to go out and have coffee. This was where I planned to deliver the decisive blow.

It was just a matter of saying it. I could be gone before the coffee got cold. But I forgot something: I had a basketball game that night. Being indifferent, I wrote her and rescheduled the coffee by two hours, figuring we could do the breakup thing before the game or after it -- what was the difference?

Well, the difference was I was blowing her off again, and she kinda saw that. So in a preemptive strike, she called me to say, "You better check your e-mail, pal." I logged on, and found... a picture of her middle finger at full-mast. Amazing! It was the perfect end. You see, she got to feel vindication for my not caring toward the end, and I, who had admittedly behaved in a less-than-exemplary manner over that period, emerged with the moral high ground. (I also scored 17 points later that night, my Rockford-carrer-high.) Anyhow, all I can do is laugh.

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